I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The struggles of a small town man whore
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
