mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
