Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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