How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
