Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
