All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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