U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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