I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
