I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who died my cat blue again?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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