When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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