piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's rum buckets o'clock
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
