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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
