so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
