She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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