Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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