called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
