dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
