I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
