he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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