I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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