she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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