Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
