I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
