I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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