So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
