His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
