also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Are we still banned from the library?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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