Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
