i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
