Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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