I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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