I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
