I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
