I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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