Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm always down for nudity.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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