is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
