if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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