Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
