Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
