PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
