Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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