i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
