My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize