just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
