I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
