we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
