My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
