She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
