We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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