I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize