On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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