For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize