I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
