Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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