How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
