My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have tasted many bathrooms
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
