you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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