Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
