WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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