i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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