Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
