from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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