How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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