Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
