good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize