I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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