me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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