when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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