if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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