It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
