If that was your dad, he is hot
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
