I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
