It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
