i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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