Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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