She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize