My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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