we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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