I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
