3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
