she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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