____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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