She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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