Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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