Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
