Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
