yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
