Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
