You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
