Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
