I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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