The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
