I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm too high and old for this...
FUCK WHALES
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
