I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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