My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize