Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
