so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
foreskin is a definite game changer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
