just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
