I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
