Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
