Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
